i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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