When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
