U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
