Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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