Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
