This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
