I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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