To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
