Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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