Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
