Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
