I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
