im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
