They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
