I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
