you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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