you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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