ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
