whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
