Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
