the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
