im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
