they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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