i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
