Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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