I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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