We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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