If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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