When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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