If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize