i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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