They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
