Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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