he wants to bone in the snuggie
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
