Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The uberlube is also flammable
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
