he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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