saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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