I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
