New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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