saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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