I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
