If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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