No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
