I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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