wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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