these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
