I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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