sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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