I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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