I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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