You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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