can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize