Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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