you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
