My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
