we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
