Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize