Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
