i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
