handjob tips. give me some.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
