I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize