i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
