I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize