I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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